


Fear of loving too much or not enough

by christallic



Category: The Shannara Chronicles (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-11
Updated: 2016-02-11
Packaged: 2018-05-19 18:00:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5976114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/christallic/pseuds/christallic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eretria is afraid of loving too much and yet not enough. Losing control is scary but sometimes you have to let go to get what you desire the most even though it might break your heart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fear of loving too much or not enough

**Author's Note:**

> In Inspiration of 1x07, it was a little harder to write than i expected but it was fun!
> 
> It's just one scene, i didn't want it to be this long but it kinda happened so whatever. Still hope you like it! :)
> 
> Here's my Princess Rover fanmix : http://8tracks.com/c33/princess-rover

The trio just set foot into the palace in Arborlon, their journey slowly comes to an end. Death has come for them a couple of times throughout the quest but they were stronger. They deserved saving, because they only could do it together. With each saving their feelings became stronger towards one another but they held it in, because the only priority was to save the Ellcrys. Feelings were pushed aside to accomplish the impossible. But they are safe now. Home. They don't have to hold it in anymore. They have come so far and now, they deserve to rest for a while. Take life as it comes.

Amberle takes Eretria by her hand and leads her to her room. Eretria doesn't really want to go but she knows one thing for sure, she is not able to say no to Amberle. On the way up to her room Amberle has something on her mind that has been there for a while now. One thought kept coming back, one desire, over and over again. Since the moment she refused to let it happen, in the bathroom at Pykon. She was afraid it could mean more to her than it actually was. And now she realized it is just sex, it doesn't have to mean anything. 

If Eretria can sleep with people without emotions getting in the way, she is convinced she can do the same. They are not that different after all. Amberle felt an attraction towards her, she didn't even know where it came from but it was there from the beginning. She mistook it for hate, a heat inside of her that kept growing until she realized there was no hate nor anger. She couldn't let it happen, not while the quest was still going but now she can risk to go after what she wants. She is sure that Eretria doesn't really mind, I mean, she wants the same thing that's why she made a move at her in Pykon. It's just a little fun and after that the desire she has for her will be gone, for sure.

They are almost there, a little out of breath because Amberle's room is located to be the highest one of the whole palace. Just one way her father could make sure she was safe, not that that made any difference because she still got herself into trouble every now and then when she was younger.

Amberle opens the door smiling and leads Eretria through it, then closing the door shut behind her, leaning against it. Eretria takes a few steps into the room looking around, her jaw drops. She says with an impressed undertone in her voice "This is your room? This place is gigantic, I could fit everything I own under your bed. And by the way that thing is huge too. I am pretty sure you don't even need that much space. But sure, let the princess have everything she wants." Amberle can't hide her smile, shruging her shoulders. She didn't expect anything else from Eretria. Sarcastic comments are her specialty.

Eretria is looking around the room, she stops moving when she sees the window, facing it. An incredible view, lets her see everything. And this is no exaggeration. She can see EVERYTHING.

She has a few seconds to take it in, when one question appears in the back of her mind, she turns around to face her "Okay, i am pretty sure you didn't drag me all the way up here to show off and make me jealous. So what do you want princess?" giving her a challenging look when Amberle answers "I thought about your offer and I'd like to accept it now." pressing her back against the door.

Eretria chuckles and makes a confused face "Offer? I didn't offer you anything. I can't even offer you anything, I have nothing left." Amberle bites her lip, trying to undress her with her eyes as she says "You wanted to have sex with me. Or did you change your mind?"

Immediately as Eretria heard the words coming out of her mouth her facade fell down, something broke inside of her. She makes a waving motion with her hands "No, no, that was a one time offer. You didn't want it, you played yourself."

Amberle shakes her head with a smile on her lips "What, you are going to play hard to get now? You wanted to have sex with a princess. Check off your To-Do-List, remember? I am just giving you what you wanted."

Eretria takes a deep breath, throwing her hands in the air when she responds "I don't want to have sex with a princess! Hell, I don't even want to have sex with an elf, I never wanted to! I don't want to have sex in a palace ..." She peaks over to the bed then looking back straight at Amberle "... on a king sized bed! None of this is me. I thought you knew me ..." her voice was a little louder and more defensive than she intented it to be. She regrets the words instantly, when she sees Amberle's expression change. Amberle is hurt.

Maybe she was wrong and Eretria was just playing around. How could she believe Eretria wanted any of this. Being rejected by her wasn't a big deal. No emotions, right? But why does it hurt so bad then? 

Amberle's voice is soft and tender when she apologizes "I am sorry. I thought you wanted this. I shouldn't have assumed you really meant what you said. Back at Pykon you didn't ... " she stops, her heart feels heavy. She looks at the ground, closes her eyes. Breathing in.

Breathing out. She opens them again, looking back at Eretria. She realizes looking at her shouldn't feel like this. She should feel nothing at all, but she does feel something. But what? She doesn't know yet.

She is pulled out of her thoughts by Eretria's voice, as honest and as soft as it never was before. Something inside of Eretria was holding her back, now it's gone. She does a hand gesture towards Amberle and chuckles a little "You are right, who am I kidding ... I wanted you at Pykon. I made a move at you because I really wanted you." She pauses, their eyes meet. Amberle's heart skips a beat but she is hiding it with an understanding smile on her lips.

Tears building up in Eretria's eyes but they don't fall and slowly fade as she says "And even now, you looking at me like that ..." she clenches her jaw and loosens it again "... Of course i want you! Every part of my body wants you right now!" she pauses and shakes her head slightly with a soft smile "But not because you are a princess, or an elf or ... the most beautiful woman I have ever layed my eyes on."

Slowly Eretria moves closer to her keeping eye contact, the tension between them is undenyingly strong. Amberle is still standing by the door. They are right in front of each other now, the tip of their toes touching. Amberle's body shivers, her fingers tingling, her breathing goes flat. She feels her heart, beating faster but she can't make it stop.

Eretria whispers, her heart pounding, staring at Amberle's eyes "I want you because my body reacts to you in ways I can't even process." Eretria takes Amberle's right hand in both of hers, slowly and as gentle as possible placing it right above her heart. Amberle focuses their hands with her eyes as she feels it beating harder underneath her hand. At the same time she feels her own heart almost breaking through her ribs.

She can't help but think, this is how wanting someone feels like. She realizes this was never about sex, from the beginning there where emotions involved and she can't deny it now. Because whatever Eretria feels, she feels the same.

Eretria lets go of her hand and takes a few steps back while saying with a cracking voice "I am fighting against a force that pulls me closer and closer to you. And it drives me crazy ..." she pauses and stops moving "... You don't realize how much energy it costs to stay away from you right now." Her hands slightly shaking.

She has never seen Eretria like this. Maybe she doesn't know her at all but that doesn't stop her from wanting to know her. So she keeps listening.

Amberle can't keep her eyes off her when Eretria pulls herself together, takes a deep breath and continues with a broken voice "I have bruises and scars all over my body that show you that I survived. I am still alive after everything that happened." she pauses "I am strong because of it. But if I let this happen ..." She moves her arm from one side to another "... all of this. I can't hold myself together anymore. And I won't survive you. I'll break. Maybe not my body but my mind will slowly but surely fall apart without you."

Amberle is speechless, the only thing she can do right now is look at her. Inside it breaks her heart, every word she hears tears her soul apart. It is terrible but she can't do anything right now. She is paralyzed.

Eretria means every word she says, looking at Amberle as if something is eating her alive "Even talking to you like this ..." she swallows hard "... is the hardest thing I have ever done. Every word leaves a bitter aftertaste in my mouth, I certainly can't get rid off."

Amberle starts to move, she doesn't even realize what she is doing, getting closer and closer to Eretria. When Eretria sees what is happening she closes her eyes, head pointed at the ground. She can't look at her, it is too hard. There is no will power left inside of her, her voice sounds lost "Amberle ... please!"

Amberle is close enough to put her hands on Eretria's shoulders, every muscle is tensed underneath her hands, Eretria tries so hard to keep herself together. Suddenly Amberle's soft voice fills the silence "It's okay ... you can let go."

Eretria takes a step back, her voice trembles when she responds, it isn't more than a whisper "I can't let go ... because if I do, I can't go back. My heart can't hold itself together anymore and you will be the reason why." she opens her eyes and looks up at Amberle, she is still so close right now. A gentle smile appears on her lips "That stupid little smile you give and your stupid pointy elven ears. It has been and it always will be you."

Amberle can feel it, this is what she wants, this is what she needs. She has to make a move now because she knows Eretria won't be able to. She has to take her destiny into her own hands. So she moves her hands to her jacket, slowly unbuttoning it. More and more skin is showing. When Eretria shouts aggressively with a desperate look on her face "This is not helping! Amberle!" Amberle stops.

Eretria continues with a softer voice, she feels sorry for shouting at her "I am not joking. This is me being honest." she pauses, chuckles but it's not meant to be funny "Probably the most honest I have ever been in my entire life." She doesn't think anymore, the words are just coming out of her mouth "This is me. All the layers I put up to protect myself, stripped down. To show you how much I feel."

She gives her a second then says while nodding slightly "You wanted to know if I care, this is how much I care ..."

She gives her an understanding expression as she continues to take off her jacket when Eretria says "Amberle, please! Don't you dare do this to me!" There is so much pain in her voice, Amberle can't take it.

Eretria held it in for so long, she was afraid to admit that she actually cared - to show weakness. And everytime she did in the past she tried to play it cool with a sarcastic comment. But now, she let it all out. Everything is in the open. Amberle wants to give her all she needs.

Amberle takes off her jacket, lets it drop on the ground when her bare chest is exposed. Eretria rapidly looks away, her whole body is tense, she bites her lip, clenching both of her fists. A little too hard because she feels the pain becoming stronger but it is better than to lose control. At least that is what she thinks.

Amberle comes closer again, every step carefully picked. She thinks about how Eretria might shout at her again and leave but she wants this, they both do. Amberle doesn't take her eyes off her as she comes closer and closer. Eretria turns her head to the left, she can't manage not to look at her otherwise.

Amberle is right in front of her, she gently takes Eretria's right hand with her left and she places it on her left cheek. You could hear Eretria whisper under her breath "Amberle!" still facing away. But Amberle doesn't stop. She whispers back "It's okay." as she lets her hand slide down her neck. Leading Eretria's hand slowly to rest right above her heart.

The second Eretria could feel Amberle's heart beating she loses control, her body relaxes. How can she make her so angry and yet so at ease. Eretria closes her eyes and points her head back at Amberle. Amberle watches her every move. Both of their hands still lie on top of her heart. It starts to beat faster when Amberle beginns to speak.

"I want to explore your body with my hands as if your body is a map and I can't help myself but get lost on the way." Her voice is so tender it sounds like music in Eretrias ears, she gets goosebumps. It goes up, as if she talks about something she loves, her eyes show nothing else but desire "I want to place kisses on every scar on your body that makes forgetting your past so unbelievably hard if not impossible." she pauses "And with every kiss I want to heal every part of you that has been broken, heal your bruises and make you whole again. I am going to be so gentle, I'll make sure not to break you." It sounds more like a promise.

She stops for a second to let it sink in then goes on "You are going to forget every bad thing that has ever happened to you. There will only be you and me, **us**. We survived everything that life has thrown at us just to be here together."

And even though it sounds so perfect, how could it not. Eretria can't help the fear creeping up in the back of her head when she says, slowly pulling her hand away "I can't, you are going to break my heart ..." She opens her eyes looking straight at Amberle. "... and I would let you."

Amberle puts on the most gentle smile she can bear, one that Eretria can't help but love. One of those that make her heart race, she bites her lip and listens.

Amberle shakes her head a little "You don't understand." she pauses taking Eretria's face into both of her hands "Don't worry, I won't break your heart because that would mean breaking my own. I will never forgive myself if I hurt you in any way. I realized, a little late actually, that you mean more to me than i ever could have imagined. I won't dare break your heart, because i care too much about you. So much that it hurts to see you like this."

She pauses giving a dramatic effect to what she is about to say "I wanted it to be just sex, without emotions. But this thing between us, whatever it is, was full of feelings since the beginning. And if I'm really honest here, I don't mind at all. This feels so good, you and me together. I think we deserve happiness after all."

Eretria looks up at her, nodding with a big smile on her face. She believes her. She trusts her. Nobody was ever worth risking to break for them, but Amberle definitely is.

Amberle smiles in return, seeing her happy makes her heart jump. She pulls Eretria in for a kiss. Never has anything felt this good. It is a deep, passionate kiss, full of emotions. Eretria puts her arms around Amberle and presses her body against her. There is nothing between them but she still wants her closer.

It feels like their bodies combine, that they are one now. Their hearts beat in the same rhythm, their lips pressed against each other and everything else doesn't matter. There is no elf nor human in the room, there are just two people as close as two can be. Nothing but skin, no lies. Letting everything go. Every painful experience let loose for a moment, they are at peace. This is how it was always supposed to be. The two of them, together. And even if this doesn't last forever it is still worth every second of it.

**Author's Note:**

> Bonus :
> 
> Or they have rough sex. Adopt 10 children, humans and elves. And rule over the four lands as queen and queen. They grow old together and live happily ever after. THE END ~
> 
> Kudos and Comments are very much appreciated! c:


End file.
